ARLINGTON, VA (IWR News Parody) - House Majority Leader Tom Delay was arrested today at Kenmore Middle School for allegedly extorting lunch money from students.Thnx to Echidne of the Snakes for the early heads-up on the DeLay indictment (Echidne, by the way, will give you real leads to the real story). I had vowed to avoid political "reporting" from now on, but couldn't resist this one!
The Arlington bunko squad, at first thought "The Hammer" was just some pervert peddling pornography to the kids, but were surprised to discover that the suspect was actually extorting money from the students in return for not cutting funding to their band, cheerleading and football programs.
Mr. Delay protested his arrest claiming that extorting money from citizens, regardless of age, was his God-given right.
"Look. This is no different than what I do all day long in Congress for Christ sakes. You want a bill passed or defeated? It's going cost you something like making a significant contribution to my little Texans for a Republican Majority PAC (TRMPAC) for example. The kids want their Cougar's football, and I need some money to pay for my golf fees when I play President Bush on Sunday. It's quid pro quo I tell you," yelled Delay as he was lead away in a paddy wagon.