Too frequently for comfort, my cousin's wife Doris, a fundamentalist Christian, treats me to aggravating little emails. (When I think of Doris, I think of sand that annoys for days after you leave the beach.)
Today Doris sent a cutesy little quiz revealing how often Muslims have been behind numerous nasty things that have happened recently to Americans (see quiz below). As if she and Muslims aren't the same thing!
So I wrote her back...
"... Dear Doris,
"Don't get me started!
"You Christians and Muslims are identical monsters born outa the same egg -- Yahweh!
"You both strap women on their backs and breed them like flies!
"You both send dead people to vast underground torture chambers!
"Your 'holy' books are almost identical!
"You both murder those who don't bow & scrape!
"You Christians murdered Indians, Hawaiians, Gypsies, homosexuals, Jews, and so forth. And now? America's only fundamentalist Christian president steals into a Muslim country and murders thousands of Muslims.
"You Christians and Muslims both shiver in fear of Armageddon. 'The world's coming to an end!' you moan. And you therefore don't give a fig about trashing my earth!
"You're both bloody warmongers, and if you blow the Western World to bits, at least we might be rid of you both!"
_______________
Here's the precipitating piece of email:
HISTORY TEST
Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual.
Events from history. They actually happened.
Do you remember?
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. A Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Korbut
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
3. In l979, the US Embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
4. During the l980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
5. In l983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
6. In l985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 yr. old American
passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:
a. The smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
7. In l985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver, trying
to rescue passengers was murdered by:
a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
8. in 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
9. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract atention from Wild Bill's women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
11. On 9/ll/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the
World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and
the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were
killed by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The supreme court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
12. In 2002, the United States fought a was in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
13. In 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonnie and Clyde
b Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40