Friday, August 25, 2006

I Can't Stop EATING

Here’s a treat: my theory on where ALL bad things come from -- and how to pitch them all out on their patooties:

Before 4000 BC, your ancestors worshipped Goddesses. Then a large part of Africa, the Middle East and Asia shriveled up into desertland. We’ll call this “Saharasia.” Saharasians starved. Starving people lose interest in all pleasures but eating. For a meal, they’ll murder their own parents and children, even. This has been documented.

Although most Saharasians starved to death, some survived and started Starvation Culture, in which people behave like starving people – even if they’re billionaires. If you live in one of the big countries like America, China, or Germany, you live in the "Starvation Culture.”

Today, everything bad is born outa Starvation Culture: overeating, war, the trashed environment, gods, downtrodden women, overpopulation:

OVEREATING

We Starvation-Culture peoples are scared stiff of starving to death. But our jitters are all on a subconscious level. Consciously, we can’t understand FOR THE LIFE OF US why we can’t stop eating! Although we say we like sex, secretly we’re scared of it; eating is the only thing that truly rings our bells.

WAR

Starvation Peoples cannot understand why they’re always at war. The answer is simple: since they’re subconsciously afraid of starving to death, they’re driven, at all times, to take everything -- from everyone else.

ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION

Deep down, Starvation Peoples remember when Mother Earth ‘abandoned’ them and made them starve. Because they haven’t forgiven Earth, SC Peoples can’t make themselves stop trashing Her. They’re like little baby birds who can’t stop junking the nest, which is threatening to break open and pitch the whole lot of them down on the ground, where all the tabby cats prowl, fattening on little birdlets.

GODS

Starvation Peoples worship gods. “Mother Earth is bad!” shriek their subconscious minds, “The gods will have to do!”

TROMPING on WOMEN

And if Mother Earth is bad, then human mothers are bad. From there it’s a short skip and a jump to “all women are bad.”

OVERPOPULATION

Starvation Peoples multiply like rabbits (mostly for a constant supply of warriors). Since 4000 BC, they have slowly killed off most Peaceful Peoples. Increasingly, the world is made up of psychotic Starvation Peoples.

Athana's Recipe for ELIMINATING ALL BAD THINGS: Pitch Starvation Culture out on its patootie. And since the gods are the gas that's driving the machine, here, we need to start with pitching the gods.
________
thnx to pliene for the pic

7 comments:

Ganymetheus said...

It may be that Mother Nature knows there's a famine coming and obesity is Her way of arranging for survivors.

Morgaine said...

Interesting idea, ganymethus. I'll think on that a while.

Aquila ka Hecate said...

..or, to phrase it a little differently, perhaps it's *our* way of arranging for surviviors, since *we* know there's a famine coming.

I've just said the same thing as ganymetheus,though.

The Mother, or us....the knowledge seems to be there whichever source you ascribe it to.

Terri in Joburg

Athana said...

You might be right, ganymetheus, aquila ka hecate. It's so bad with me that I can't keep anything in my house with sugar or chocolate in it. If it's here, I'll eat it. When the Willpower cards were being handed out, I was gone, apparently.

Paxton said...

I think that pain and stressful situations serve to squeeze your heart so that its true contents bubble to the surface. Therefore if hungry people become murderous, I think it is because their hearts are fundamentally selfish (committing evil against other people in order that they might stay alive).

Morgaine said...

Sorry to be blunt, paxton, because I know you're basically a gentle soul, but that's bullshit.

We are hardwired to survive. To survive, we must eat. Even the most altruistic of people may be driven insane once the body starts cannibalizing its own tissues. The big problem we face is that the insanity of the denizens of the neo-desert 6,000 years ago became institutionalized in religion, government and society at large. It has to stop.

In the mean time, I'm glad I live in a place with its own water source and plenty of wild game. If I can just get my dad and my uncle to put up a windmill for the family compound, I'm golden if the infrastructure collapses.

Personally, it's M&Ms and pretzels I can't get enough of.

Paxton said...

Wait, so you don't think it's evil to kill your mom and eat her?

=(