Monday, August 21, 2006

GETTING YOUR Joy ON


Now here’s a blog to light your fire: God Is a Joke. The blogger thinks the christian bible was written by peaceful pagan women – as satire. A sample of her (sometimes irreverent) work:

"What the Bible tells us is that if you stick with God you do not need The Home Shopping Network to get your joy on. You just rob your neighbor (Numbers 31:12). Rob your neighbor and give God his share of the profit at your local church or synagogue (Numbers 31:41, 54). When you rob your neighbor do not make the mistake of leaving alive the husband ((Numbers 31:7) … wife or boy children for your enslavement and sex games (Numbers 31:17). That is what the virgin girl children are for (Numbers 31:35; Deuteronomy 21:10-13)....

"Talk about spoiled. I just love that as God’s own I can get everything I want. All I have to do is kill and steal for it and tithe a respectable portion. He is the boss. I do what he says. He takes a cut of the booty. I get paid in stolen wages….

In the edifying words of King Jehosophat, all you have to do is “believe in the Lord your God, so you shall be established; believe his prophets, so you shall prosper” (2 Chronicles 20:20). All you have to do to reap the Lord’s bountiful booty is believe and sing. [So] If the Exalted Daughters will come now to the front of Grove and lead us, we will sing as we are instructed and wait on the Lord to spoil us in the manner to which we are entitled....

"What we are expecting is a sudden falling down of dead bodies covered in riches and precious jewels for the stripping (2 Chronicles 2:25). … We must not be singing loud enough. With your voices now, shout your praises. … Here. Everyone get an instrument. It does not matter if you cannot play well; just make a joyful noise to the Lord. Someone should be getting a vision of candy we can take from babies, or at least the location of a park with piss-in-their-pants drunks we can roll. Does anyone have a revelation of at least a morgue we can move in on, or a Veterans’ hospital we can hit?...."

5 comments:

Anne Johnson said...

Virgin female children are plentiful at day care centers. And since all the good Christian kids are home schooled, we'd only be snatching heathens.

carlo!60 said...

I don't understand a word here in your site. Please make it clearerso that we who aremerely visiting can understand. If you are only writing to please yourself then I am sorry for disturbing you.

Anne Johnson said...

Gosh, I hope Carlo doesn't wander over to "The Gods Are Bored" on 8/22. I let my faerie have his say, and it's incomprehensible, even to me.

Morgaine said...

Maybe we need to Write a Goddess for Dummies or something like that?

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Carlo! I find so many contradictory statements and lack of logic on this site that maybe you're right! The blogger maybe just wants to please herself and maybe even has some delusions of Goddess grandeur about herself!