Thursday, July 26, 2007

A DUDE LIKE Braveheart

What choice do mamas have these days?

Here’s the liberal Christian approach:

“Now Junior, we want you to grow up to be just like God. Just don’t be jealous like him. Or petty. Or unjust. Or unforgiving like he is. Or a control freak. Or vindictive or bloodthirsty like he is.

"Or an ethnic cleanser. Or misogynistic, homophobic, racist, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic or capriciously malevolent. Otherwise, just follow his every lead.”

And here’s the fundamentalist approach:

“Look, junior. There’s God with his white beard. He’s a warrior dude like Braveheart. The Bible tells us so in Exodus 15:3: “The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is his name.” If you’re stubborn, Junie, or work on Sundays God says you should be electrocuted (well he said “stoned,” but we’re not that primitive anymore) (Deut. 21: 18-21; Exodus 35:2).

"Some people call him Jehovah, but it says right in the Bible that his real name is Jealous (“…the Lord whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” Exodus 34:14). So be just like him, Junie: a jealous warrior dude who electrocutes people for sneezing.”

[Does this sound like a president you know?]
_____________________
Thnx to zeynep'arkok for the foto

3 comments:

Anne Johnson said...

This is so funny, because once my sister and I had an argument, and she said that God is JEALOUS. She repeated the verse right from the book. And I said straight to her, "Well, I just don't find that very appealing in a person or a god."

I then went on to tell her that the Bible needed a serious edit, and that closed the conversation. We haven't talked about it since.

Athana said...

anne, I love it! I can just hear her captializing the word jealous, too. Your responses were so right on the money.

Amy Farmer said...

Another excellent, thought provoking post.